Education Update

Yesterday began the first day of my 2011 Spring semester at Ivy Tech. Anticipation has been building for quite sometime now. (It hasn't really.) It turns out that after this semester, I will only need to take about 3 more classes next semester before i can graduate with an associates degree from Ivy Tech... Then, the onward continuance of retrieving by bachelors degree: Oh, the possibilities!

Truth Time 2011

Well, i'm almost at a loss for words... So much has been going on lately and honestly, i just need a slow down. However, school starts back up next week; so that won't be the case. I thought i'd take a minute to just get some stuff off of my mind thinking that maybe it will help my stress level.

First things first...
Family - My family is barely getting by right now. With my dad not having a job for the last two years, the money just isn't there. Both of my parents are extremely depressed and it just makes me sick to have to go home anymore. I understand all of their problems, but i don't have solutions, and whining to me just makes me feel bad. Also, my dad is having a total hip replacement next week. I'm hoping for a quick recovery and that he is able to hold his own because everyone knows that i can't lift him if he needs it. He's too tall and overweight. It's just not possible. Did i mention that he was also just diagnosed with diabetes as well? We can't treat that though because we can't afford it. My grandpa just finished up his second round of Chemo last Saturday night. He sadly is doing much worse than my grandma is... It breaks my heart to look at who he has become. He is not himself anymore. I want my grandpa back.

Work - The last few weeks and months at work have just been absolutely redicuously busy. With more issues this year than i've ever had to deal with during the holiday seasons of the past, i've came close several times to telling our new general manager to just figure it out on his own without me. After four years, i'm about done with that place! Aside from Gordman's, this is also my busy time of the year for BBlair Computer Repair. With customers getting Christmas cash means customers wanting to get their computers fixed. Great for business, but not the greatest time for business. I've had 5 laptop issues to look at just in the last week not counting the one that i'm finishing up tomorrow. Christmas also means potential new customers that are wanting to buy new computers and want my opinion... which i have no problem making recomendations!

Life in General - I'm tired. I've been working so much. I'm not on a regular eating schedule anymore because my sleeping schedule is all messed up and i wake up hungry around 3 am (if i go to bed on time). I need a week off where i have nothing planned and i can sleep in everyday. Talk about a great dream! I'm not ready for school to start up next week. I've signed up for classes and ordered books but in no way am i prepared for the spring semester. Aside from this, i'm not looking forward to the months ahead for myself. Seemingly, everything i've mentioned can only get worse. Last year didn't end very well and 2011 does not look promising.

Discovery Church - I am excited about one thing. Discovery Church is (hopefully) becoming apart of the One Life Network in the coming year. I'm truly blessed to be apart of such an incredible group of people and i'm excited for what God has in store for Discovery.

Christmas - I hope that everyone has had a Merry Christmas! My Christmas was rather different this year comparing to any other year in the past. Not having the family Christmas party at Grandpa's house just didn't make Christmas the same to me... even though my cousin Brian did a pretty good job hosting it at his house. Enough of my mumbling though... I wish you all a Happy New Year!!!

Love in Christ,
Ben

I Hate Thanksgiving...

There aren't too many things in life that I hate. In fact, when i hear the word "hate;" I usually tend to use the phrase "Don't hate... Appreciate!" You can always appreciate something or someone for their faults. Every year, i'm reminded after it's too late... and that is, I Hate Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time that we are thankful to God for everything that He has given us. Now, don't get me wrong. I thank God everyday for the many blessings that Has given to me. He deserves all the glory on this holiday... among everything else; even that gloriously tasty golden bird that we all eat. That is what Thanksgiving is supposed to be about.

Here's the problem. People ruin thanksgiving! When this time of the year rolls around, families come together, but if you have a family like mine (and most of you do), than you have a disfunctional family. They argue, fight, and worst of all, complain because someone burnt their favorite dish; the dumplings. Then, everyone in the family starts discussing what they want for Christmas and who is going to buy what for each person. After Thanksgiving festivities are over, retailers jump on the bandwagon against the point of the season and drag people out to line up at the doors at 5 A.M. The people go and buys gifts to give instead of being thankful for what they have. That is not what thanksgiving is supposed to be about.

This week, i am staying at my girlfriend's house ALONE with her dogs while she is with her family in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. I am currently working on two research papers that i have due after break because all of my professors think i have nothing to do this week. On Thanksgiving Day, i will be with my family in Mt. Vernon, Indiana. Then, on Friday and Saturday, i will be working my life away at Gordman's. I hope you will have a better Thanksgiving holiday than myself.

Whatever you do during the Thanksgiving season this week, don't forget to remember what it's all about. Be thankful for what you have, and don't worry about what your going to give for Christmas... Thank God for all the blessings that you have!

The Best of God's Angels

Tonight, i was thinking about people of whom i've known that have passed away unexpectedly. Just a few come to mind...

Gene Rice - Gene was an incredible man fulfilled with Christ's love and spirit. Gene was a funny guy... always had a genuine prank or a joke for you! He served on and also led several mission trips. He was one of the founders of a church mens group that cooked food for church events. Man, was Gene's food good too! Gene, most importantly though, was a man after God's own heart!

Cindy Zarazee - Well, what can i say... Cindy was like a mom to me. She loved God and she loved people. She loved teaching kids how to love and be like Jesus. She drove fast, and when she was home, never minded calling and asking someone to stop and get her a Polar Pop. Like Gene, Cindy also loved jokes and pulling pranks on others. She loved her dogs just as much as they loved her. Cindy loved her two daughters more than anything though. Her family was the reason she fought for her own life. Cindy, most importantly though, was a woman after God's own heart!

As i lay here and think, these were two of the most God-driven people that i've known in my life. I can only wonder why God took them so soon... Sometimes i wonder why God didn't keep them on earth longer so they could share the love of Jesus with more people? I know this for sure though. He had a greater purpose for their lives. It almost makes you wonder if (since God is all-knowning and all-powerful) God himself will be needing people who know and love him the most to help him come judgement day... when the book of Revelation begins. He will need some pretty incredible angels. I can't see through God's eyes... but through my eyes, these are two of the best candidates that i know of for ranking as top angels in the kingdom of God.

I don't have followers...

As my girlfriend and I were just talking on the phone about her most recent blog post, something occured to me that i had never realized before... Except for my girlfriend, I have no followers. The question then appeared... Is this good or bad? She has several people following her blog that she just created less than a month ago; and my blog on the other hand, has no followers. I have been bloging for several years wonder who really reads this thing?

Here's my fear... My fear is that either no one reads my thoughts (which i know some poeple that do), or even worse, no one really cares about what i stand for or believe in... I have a feeling that more poeple read my blog posts than what i realize but i want to make an impact on peoples lives. I want to give a diferent perspective. I want people to see things the way that they appear to me. If i could make a difference in one person's life, than that makes all of this worthwhile.

While writing this, i've been thinking of the song "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. It gives me real inspiration but makes me wonder at the same time. When you die, do people really care more about what you've said, thought of, or dreamed about in the past? About three weeks ago, i would answer that question probably with a firm "No." However, i have seen myself realize how much more that i believe now because of the circumstances. Someone's hopes, dreams, and aspirations; they are worth so much more to people once that person dies... It's incredible how life changes can happen in just moments. It's incredible how the loss of one's life can strengthen anothers faith. Thoughts are worth more after life on earth ends. I have thoughts and thats why i write... Thats why i blog.

In a way, it might be a good thing to not have followers... You see, in a sense, i don't really want to be followed. I'm not Jesus, or for that matter, equate to any other higher being. Jesus has followers. I'm a follower of Jesus, and no one else... So why would i want people to "follow me?" The truth is, i don't care if you follow me. I love being a leader, but i consider myself a much better follower. The good that i see in having followers of my blog is that if you are one and blog occasionally, then you probably read my blogs often and care a little more than others do. Either way is okay with me. Like i mentioned earlier, i just want to make a difference... I want to leave a legacy... so that someday, when i die (if i die young), my thoughts will be worth more to you than they ever did before!

Rationalizing Religion

Over the last few weeks, i've realized that i've been living my life the way that i've wanted. I've been a follower of Jesus for quite sometime now, but there was just one problem. I wasn't letting His will lead my way. Following the passing of my girlfriend's mother, i recieved a clear reality check from God. Either i could step up and be the man God wants me to be and do everything that i possibly can to help out my girlfriend and her family in their time of need... or i could just stand in the crowd like i normally would and give minimal comfort. God gave me a choice... and against what my norm, i followed God's will instead of my own.

A few Sunday's before Cindy passed away, she was in church and on her bulletin she wrote "My God is bigger than the big C!" One of heaven's newest angels knew who her God was. She knew that the church is full of broken screwed up people. I myself, have always had a mindset that the church is full of messed up people striving for something greater. The church needs Jesus. In John 14:6, Jesus says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

I'm learning to follow God's will... and in that process, i'm realizing that what Cindy wrote is so true. If you follow God, he will lead you in your darkest hours. He will lead you when you have no idea what to do. In the simplest moments, God shows up... and then, in front of your own eyes... God shows off. He'll send the clearest possible answer and he'll put it right in front of you. He has taken Cindy and has left all of us her inspiration. What i thought i'd never be able to do... With God, all things are possible.

He is leading me in leading the Zarazee family. He is teaching me. He is guiding me. Something religious that i never thought i'd be rationalizing... My God is bigger than the big C!

Glancing into the coming days...

Well, after today, its work work work, all weekend long for me. I'm not looking forward to it. However, i should have some more time off next week... maybe even a friday or saturday night again. That would be nice since i've been craving some fried chicken from the Log Inn. If not, i might just have to wait another week.

Also, Fall Fun Night at Olivet is next Wednesday night. Justine and I are dressing up, but neither of us know what were gonna be yet. Aside, from that i have no idea what i will be doing for Halloween, but then again, that kinda depends on my work schedule.

In November, Leeland and Brandon Heath are coming to Evansville. I am definitley looking forward to that. Brandon Heath is just a phenomenal CCM artists. Then, the end of the month is Thanksgiving, the second greatest national holiday. Yummm, turkey! Justine will be out of town but i can manage. Ive convinced myself that it will be okay for her to be gone for a few days, even though its during a holiday weekend!

Not to long after Thanksgiving is the greatest holiday of them all, Christmas! It's byfar my favorite holiday, even though im not a fan of the cold weather. If you can't tell i'm excited for this coming fall and winter and i hope you are too! I'd like to wish everyone a happy fall and a blessed holiday season!!!

Life Changers

It's been a couple weeks since i wrote a new post so i thought i'd keep you updated with yet another aspect of my life. Today, i want to talk about life changers. These are the people that have made a huge impact on my life over the last few years.

1. My Parents - You have raised me to be the great person that i am today. I know it was hard, but you have succeeded. I'm glad you have made me into who i am.
2. My Family - You have supported me through every step of life... everything from videotaping those elementary school plays to being there when i graduated high school. You all are awesome.
3. Jesus Christ - You died so that i might have life. I owe everything to you. Everyday, my prayer is that people might not just see me, but rather see You living in me.
4. Trey McClain - You have changed the way that i've wanted to live my life. You are such a great person and i look up to you. You have created an awesome church and i'm proud to be a part of that!
5. Mrs. Amber Hale - You were the best teacher/mentor/leader that i've ever had. You taught me to be more open-minded and in doing so, have given me a greater outlook on life. You helped me realize that in life, its not how high up the mountain you climb, it's how happy you are when you've reached your stopping point. Your awesome... just so you know.
6. Audio Adrenaline - You have written the rock songs of a lifetime for thousands of generations of Christians. You guys all rock and most definitely have changed my life through your music!
7. Justine Zarazee - I now understand why you waited and i'm sorry about that last blog post, but i'm so glad that you finally said yes to us. You've made a huge impact on my life and are making me a better person. Your family is so great, even though you find them embarassing sometimes. Spending time with you though is my most favorite thing to do these days. You love me for who i am and you know thats all i'd ever ask for in our relationship. I'm so happy that were together. Your amazing, and I love you!
8. Brandon Marvel - Your my best friend and have been for awhile now. I'm so glad you moved here years ago because your a great guy who will do big things in life.

The Summer Meltdown (June Edition)

Well, it's almost the end of June already. It's way to incredibly hot here in Evansville already. It's getting to be that time of the year when my little fan in my bedroom will not keep me comfortable anymore and therefore, i can't sleep. If you find me on Facebook late at night or writing late night blogs, that is probably why. Our house is cooled by one 32,000 BTU window air conditioner which is just enough to cool down the living room and hallway connecting the bedrooms. Summer is flying by so quickly... but i'm not gonna lie. I'm having a blast!

Over the course of the last month, i've:

• Made some close friends
• Been working a whole lot at Gordman's...... like 30 hours a week. =[
• Became a wedding DJ (which is something i thought i'd never do)
• Volunteered double digits of hours for VBS at Olivet (more than ever before)
• Been swimming with friends a lot (because my friends are awesome)

Within the next month, i plan to:

• SPIRIT SONG FEST @ KINGS ISLAND!!!!! (my relaxing summer vacation)
• Hang out with my new best friend AMAP! (i totally just made that up... it means "As much as possible!" haha)
• Possibly go on a mission trip to Knoxville w/ Discovery
• Swim some more with friends...

After July, it will be August... and you better know what that means. ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! (Aug. 2) so i expect lots of monetary gifts from you all, or at least a Cherry Limeade from Sonic!

Getting Closure...

I have an issue... but then again, who doesn't have their own issues??? Here is my problem. I can never seem to find closure on anything that bothers me. It doesn't matter what it is.

It can be something as simple as: "Why do some churches try to push people out of their congregations?". I was born and raised Presbyterian. Growing up through the years, going to this church for most of my life, i had seen it happen many times before but i never realized it until a few weeks ago. The church that i had looked up to for guidance and wisdom through 19 years of my life was doing something that no church should every even begin think about doing... You see, this church has its own little way of leaving people behind and/or pushing people out. Thinking back, i can count into the double digits of families that have either left, or have been provoked in some way in which they feel no longer welcome. I am getting to that point in my walk with this church family. They no longer are seeming like family to me. Instead, its almost becoming a burden just to walk in because the older people who have been there with me all along are mostly the only ones who seem to care. Its sad really that it has to come to this, but i might just send a letter announcing my withdraw of membership. I'd feel better about myself and i think that it would better reflect my faith!

There are also more mind boggling scenerios in which i cannot get any closure, like: "Why did she just say that... and what does that mean?" No offense girls, but i think you are a huge reason why guys have trouble sleeping at night. Why... might you ask??? THERE WAS NEVER ANY CLOSURE ON THE ISSUE! It doesn't matter what issue arrose. You made some statement and expect us to conform our brains to not only comprehend what you said, but to answer difinitively in your language, as if we know exactly what you mean. Guess what. We don't. Your not perfect though. It's in the Bible (Romans 3:22-24). So, read it an weap!

As you can tell, my mind's eye has a wide view on grasping the meaning of life. Not getting closure is a huge problem for me. I think that is why i am so curious all of the time. I always have questions and not always do i find answers. That is where i struggle. So, do me a favor. The next time i have a question, don't leave me hanging with an open-ended answer. Help me get some closure on the issue...