I don't have followers...

As my girlfriend and I were just talking on the phone about her most recent blog post, something occured to me that i had never realized before... Except for my girlfriend, I have no followers. The question then appeared... Is this good or bad? She has several people following her blog that she just created less than a month ago; and my blog on the other hand, has no followers. I have been bloging for several years wonder who really reads this thing?

Here's my fear... My fear is that either no one reads my thoughts (which i know some poeple that do), or even worse, no one really cares about what i stand for or believe in... I have a feeling that more poeple read my blog posts than what i realize but i want to make an impact on peoples lives. I want to give a diferent perspective. I want people to see things the way that they appear to me. If i could make a difference in one person's life, than that makes all of this worthwhile.

While writing this, i've been thinking of the song "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. It gives me real inspiration but makes me wonder at the same time. When you die, do people really care more about what you've said, thought of, or dreamed about in the past? About three weeks ago, i would answer that question probably with a firm "No." However, i have seen myself realize how much more that i believe now because of the circumstances. Someone's hopes, dreams, and aspirations; they are worth so much more to people once that person dies... It's incredible how life changes can happen in just moments. It's incredible how the loss of one's life can strengthen anothers faith. Thoughts are worth more after life on earth ends. I have thoughts and thats why i write... Thats why i blog.

In a way, it might be a good thing to not have followers... You see, in a sense, i don't really want to be followed. I'm not Jesus, or for that matter, equate to any other higher being. Jesus has followers. I'm a follower of Jesus, and no one else... So why would i want people to "follow me?" The truth is, i don't care if you follow me. I love being a leader, but i consider myself a much better follower. The good that i see in having followers of my blog is that if you are one and blog occasionally, then you probably read my blogs often and care a little more than others do. Either way is okay with me. Like i mentioned earlier, i just want to make a difference... I want to leave a legacy... so that someday, when i die (if i die young), my thoughts will be worth more to you than they ever did before!

Rationalizing Religion

Over the last few weeks, i've realized that i've been living my life the way that i've wanted. I've been a follower of Jesus for quite sometime now, but there was just one problem. I wasn't letting His will lead my way. Following the passing of my girlfriend's mother, i recieved a clear reality check from God. Either i could step up and be the man God wants me to be and do everything that i possibly can to help out my girlfriend and her family in their time of need... or i could just stand in the crowd like i normally would and give minimal comfort. God gave me a choice... and against what my norm, i followed God's will instead of my own.

A few Sunday's before Cindy passed away, she was in church and on her bulletin she wrote "My God is bigger than the big C!" One of heaven's newest angels knew who her God was. She knew that the church is full of broken screwed up people. I myself, have always had a mindset that the church is full of messed up people striving for something greater. The church needs Jesus. In John 14:6, Jesus says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

I'm learning to follow God's will... and in that process, i'm realizing that what Cindy wrote is so true. If you follow God, he will lead you in your darkest hours. He will lead you when you have no idea what to do. In the simplest moments, God shows up... and then, in front of your own eyes... God shows off. He'll send the clearest possible answer and he'll put it right in front of you. He has taken Cindy and has left all of us her inspiration. What i thought i'd never be able to do... With God, all things are possible.

He is leading me in leading the Zarazee family. He is teaching me. He is guiding me. Something religious that i never thought i'd be rationalizing... My God is bigger than the big C!